Climbing (and Falling Down) Mountains

I think that we all get obstacles put in the middle of our paths to greatness at least once in our lifetimes. But have you ever had a MOUNTAIN put in front of you? I'm not talking about a molehill, not a grassy knoll, but a legit MOUNTAIN? That's what happened to me last year. Now, this is neither the place nor the time to release the details of the situation that resulted in the MOUNTAIN being put in my way, but I'll just say that it was one of the most trying times in my life.

I was a student leader. It was who I was, what I did, what I loved, what I breathed. I was involved with campus ministry, and my beloved Peer Health Action Team (PHAT). I was a part of the very first PHAT group 2 years ago, and continued being on PHAT last year. That was, until the MOUNTAIN was put in my path. This MOUNTAIN was big and daunting, and told me that I couldn't be a student leader anymore. I wasn't allowed to hold a leadership position on campus for a whole year. Devastated, a retreated back into a cave and hung out in there for a very long time.

But I eventually came out and started to try and climb the MOUNTAIN. As time past, it got a little bit easier each day. The sting of seeing PHATties around hurt less and less. What's more, was that I had all this extra time that I would normally be spending doing leadership activities and instead could devote to my academics. I tried to make the best of the situation, and really focused on classwork. This paid off and I got a 3.9 fall quarter and a 3.6 last quarter.

Step by step, I mastered peak after peak as I made my way up my huge MOUNTAIN. I even began forgiving the MOUNTAIN for being there, because it made me look at my priorities a little bit differently.

But today I tripped and started falling back down the MOUNTAIN...

Today was the first planning meeting for Take Back the Night, a yearly event on campus that aims at empowering sexual assault survivors and educating people about the issue. (It is run out of the Office of Wellness and Health Promotion, where PHAT is located.) For the past two years, this has been MY project. MY event. I was the head planner and delegated tasks to various team members and campus staff. But because of this stupid MOUNTAIN that was put in my way, I wasn't able to be the lead this year.

So I sat in the meeting today and watched as someone else ran it, and I was limited to volunteering to help with a few tasks. I sat in that meeting and tried not to cry, because it just made me feel so sad. As I walked back to my apartment after we finished, I thought about everything that I was missing because of this stupid MOUNTAIN.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to do what I said that I was going to do. I'm going to contribute to the planning of this event to the best of my ability. But I'm afraid that I'm going to show up on the night of Take Back the Night and just fall apart. I'm scared that it's going to be that one stubborn boulder that I trip over and end up breaking a bone with. But I guess that only time will tell.

In the meantime, I'm going to do what I do best...Put on my happy mask, pick myself up, dust myself off, and put one foot in front of the other as I slowing begin the ascent of my MOUNTAIN.